


Morning Glories

by Hexworthy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Bittersweet, Blood and Injury, Gen, Langst, M/M, Narration Heavy, Platonic Love, Romantic love, Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Love, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26461825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexworthy/pseuds/Hexworthy
Summary: Loneliness ate into him like the cold did on a midwinter's night, it festered in his heart and like everything, it decayed all things warm and good in his heart. All that was left was the shell of the person he used to be.Lance finds himself coughing up different blue flowers and discovers that unrequited love takes many forms. If only he wasnt the odd man out, he wouldnt be there contemplating his future...
Relationships: Allura & Coran & Hunk & Keith & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt & Shiro, Keith/Lance/Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 109





	Morning Glories

**Author's Note:**

> this was a very quick angst i though off while i have writing block for Miserere. Constistant writing? DONT KNOW HER. 
> 
> also thank you to PhantoMask for beta'ing for me!!! <3

Loneliness ate into him like the frigid cold did on a midwinter's night, it festered in his heart, decaying all things warm and good inside his heart. All that was left was the shell of the person he used to be. 

Lance used to be vibrant, a kaleidoscope of emotions concentrated into one being. He could walk into a room and just vibe, easy going and malleable, Lance could talk a penguin into buying ice with his smile and charm. 

His family enveloped him in their warmth. His siblings who ribbed him but were there at his defense because how dare someone try to hurt him. His father who taught him so many things like how to be kind but also not take shit from anyone. His mother who always believed in him and instilled the strong sense of family he now desperately craved to feel again. 

Back on Earth, he had friends. Hunk was there since his earliest years and they played in the sand till the sunset beams rested on their sun kissed skin. The water from their splashing hanging in the air like diamonds on strings. Their happiness eternally etched into Lance’s memories, a snapshot of a happier time when Lance could go back to the ocean he loved so much. To satiate the song the water sung to him. 

Even when everything changed at the garrison, he found new love. Pidge instantly became his new brother. Despite seeing through the facade, he didn’t want to out her and accepted her ahow she wanted to present herself. Pidge filled a place in his heart where his family lived like it was all coming together, a new family for this part of his life. 

Then there was Shiro. Aloof, distant. Shiro was what Lance dreamed to be, have what Lance wanted. Recognition, if only for his efforts and had work. Lance didnt want to be famous, just… Just Lance the fighter pilot, saving lives and in space. Shiro was everything Lance wanted in a person. Kind. Generous with his time and utterly human. Flaws and all. The few times Shiro looked at Lance with pride, or even smiled and shared some of his warmth. Lance fell for the warmth in his eyes and the love that radiated from Shiro for them all, even if it was only platonic. Lance loved Shiro from afar, knowing it was the closest he could ever get. 

Joke was on him. 

Keith was an enigma. Lance wanted to push and pull and see where Keith would fit in his life. Maybe he didn’t go about it in the right way initially. Maybe there was something about Lance he couldn’t change, that Keith just detested. Yet, Lance saw through the tough exterior and questionable hairstyle and something pulled Lance towards Keith. Something pulled Lance like a moth to a flame. The fire lived on and the moth, burned, hurt and alone on the ground, dying with the only solace that it saw life in that fraction of a second before the burning began to hurt. 

Once upon a time, Lance could say he had loved and was loved in return. Sometimes not in the way he wanted, but at least he was loved. 

At least he was loved. 

The lack of love creeped into everything. It was easy to fall in love, and work on all sides to keep that love alive. It was just as easy to fall _out_ of love. And fall out of love they did. Lance was putting in the work but little came back to him.

Hunk and Pidge drifted away, like they were forgetting him while they worked into the night on whatever they did. Back then they used to talk to Lance and use him as a rubber duck, he had felt at peace. He could ask questions and keep up, now he was barely trying to keep his own mental health intact, let alone keep up with literal alien technology. 

He missed their love and wanted to be a part of them. The pain of abandonment was like roots encircling his heart, squeezing the life out of him with each beat. With every frantic thump, the roots grew tighter and the pair drifted further away. 

Keith and Shiro were always meant to be. Soft only for each other, binary stars in their own orbit, soulmates destined to never be apart. Lance would always be on the outside, not even letting himself look in. They were a very private couple. The occasional giggle in hidden corners, the soft smiles after a long day, or the two curling in on each other like their lives depended on it. 

Once upon a time, Lance had hoped he could be someone to them, but at this point he was probably just an annoyance, the extra wheel to an already functioning vehicle. The odd man out. He would have been friends. They were everything Lance wanted, and everything Lance would not allow himself to ruin. 

Afterall, it was easy to hide your feelings when you weren’t seen at all. 

And that thought alone made his lungs seize up when he saw their love, that he didn't have the love that he craved so desperately. A love he didn’t dare ruin with his own eyes and desires. A love he wanted to find a spot in, even if it was just the friend at the back of the room at their wedding. 

That friend who looked at them with never ending love and hidden, who left before the end of the night and wished them the best as they left to live their lives. The friend who loved them till the end of his days and was lucky to even be an afterthought of times gone by. 

His chest constricted as he felt a violent fit of coughing come upon him. Alone in his room with no one to comfort him, he coughed up petals. Petals of all size, shape and colour came creeping up his throat, clawing the inside and causing him to cough and splutter harder. 

His chest was hurting from exertion as he tried to expel the petals, and he wished his Mama was there to soothe his back and hold him close. He wanted that love, the too clean white hurt his eyes and the lack of loving hands hurt his heart. 

To make matters worse, the petals fell like leaves in the autumn. Oranges and yellows of spring, greens of leaves, and the turn of the seasons into the vibrance of summer. Reds of turning leaves and the last burst of colour in the summer. Purples so dark they could be black, so deep and gorgeous Lance couldn’t help but get lost in the hues as they faded into a lilac.The worst was the blues; forget me nots and cornflowers, false indigos and himilayan blue poppies. The morning glories that were climbing his heart strings, entwining their way through his veins. 

Morning glories, such beautiful flowers with beautiful names but such awful meanings. Unrequited love, the morality of his life that now had the ending in sight, his love in all its form being in vain and restricted. Unable to fully show his devotion to them, to everyone. There wasn’t just one person that caused the morning glories to constrict his lungs, it was four people. A sister, a best friend, and the two people he might have truly loved romantically. 

_Well shit._

Lance for the most part carried on. Nothing had changed since the first time the petals forced themselves into existence. Hunk and Pidge barely paid any mind to him, and Keith and Shiro were strong and dependable. 

Lance tried to ignore the pain in his chest as he saw them all. He didn’t know how to insert himself, how to ask to spend time. 

All Pidge was doing was creating tech and searching non stop for her family. The little time they all had was no longer spent playing Killbot phantasm together nor the little moments where Lance let her fall asleep on him and tried to ensure she had a good sleep. He had tried to help but after too many insults that hit too close to home and a distance he couldn’t bridge, he didn’t want to be the reason Pidge failed in her quest to find her real family.

He had tried to help Hunk but something didn’t click with them anymore. Hunk was either baking, working on tech or not needing Lance’s exuberance. Never in the mood for a movie night where they ripped the film to pieces rather than enjoying it. Not in the mood for the contact Lance needed. Lance wasn’t built for being alone, not with the family he had. Hunk just wasn’t in the mood for Lance anymore. 

Keith and Shiro were always out of reach, either in the training room or taking comfort in each other in private moments that no one wanted to interrupt. Shiro had been through so much and deserved the moments of peace. Keith was uncharacteristically calm and still, like the weight of the world on his shoulders was gone. When Lance was there, sighs of exasperation, jabs and eye rolls were thrown his way. Lance didn't have the heart to break their peace. 

What Lance missed were Pidge’s complaints that no one wanted to play games when Lance had left the games room after an hour of waiting alone on the floor. Hunk went to look for Lance only to find no trace of the man in the castle, it was like his best friend had become a different person overnight. Though before Lance spent days standing in the same room as Hunk, but he never seemed to acknowledge Lance’s presence. Lance missed the soft fantasies of the couple after seeing Lance stretch out after a training session or the looks they sent his way as he walked out the door but feared that Lance wouldn’t take them seriously, wouldn’t treat a relationship seriously. So fantasies remained that, fantasies. 

In the end, it was Coran and Allura who found out, at least a part of it. Everyone was doing their thing while Lance was looking out to the stars. His breathing was slow and deep but Lance could feel the vines of the morning glory grow tighter every day. The physical pain was nothing to the pain of his heart and mind. If I’m going to die, I want to die here, Lance thought as he gazed out into the emptiness. 

Atoms were so far apart in a vacuum, could atoms feel loneliness? But he thought about it, dying from something beautiful was better than being alone. At least this way Lance could say he loved, maybe though, it was better to have not loved at all.

Allura sat down next to him and said nothing but leaned against him. The silence was one of understanding. Lance was homesick for a family and for a love that once was, and Allura was missing everything she knew. Both had their realities and mortality shoved in their face and left to fend for themselves without a life jacket. 

For the first time in too long, Lance felt a bit lighter but the morning glories kept growing. 

Coran kept him company teaching him the mechanics of the castle, how everything fit together. Lance knew he was just as intelligent as Hunk or Pidge, he just had to see it done once and he was fine. He felt some of the longing for his family alleviate as Lance and Allura played Monsters and Mana, he had a father and sister again. They ate together and even felt safe to tell eachother things. 

How Coran missed his friends and family, how he never got to say goodbye when Alfor pushed him into a pod while Coran tried to defend Altea. He felt guilt at enabling children to be sent off to war. He had been alive too long and the paladins were so young...

Allura’s feelings from the fact that she couldn’t live up to expectations, that she wasn’t enough for any position. Even her short stint as the blue paladin didn’t sit right. She wasn’t a queen nor did she feel like fighting was for her in the long term. She missed a fantasy she could have lived out where there was no war.

Then Lance told them of how he felt like he didn’t fit. Especially after Lance had a coughing fit like none before in front of the pair. It wasn’t just petals that came up, it was full blooms. Blood coated the pearlescent petals as the tips marked up his throat. 

The Alteans were in horror and sent him to the pods, and upon his exit, they were stern faced and grim. It didn't sit right to Lance, causing them such pain especially as he knew he was dying. It was selfish and dying from unrequited love? The cherry on top. 

Maybe it was better to have it all removed. To forget and move on. Lance knew it was a cowards way out, and maybe, it would be better to just forget. 

When he told Allura and Coran, they set up the surgery pod and Lance swallowed the fear as he climbed in. He remembered Allura and Coran’s faces as everything started to blur and fade away. It would be over soon. 

Hunk was the first to notice that Lance wasn’t there. He had turned with new baked goods, expecting to find Lance but no cigar. He searched high and low and it was only because he passed the medical bay did he see the pod. The pod containing Lance with his chest open as fully grown plants were being removed.

Hunk threw up upon this, it was horrifying, seeing a hanahaki surgery. He hoped that it was just for Keith and Shiro, as awful as it was. Lance was his best bud, they fooled around but they were friends… 

Hunk needed to take a minute as he ran from the room. 

As soon as the flowers that represented Blue were being removed, the lion started to fit in the hangars clawing at the floor and walls. The anguish was real and she tried her best to protect her paladin, her love. She sent out some quintessence in their bond to protect the part of her in Lance’s memories. She would have to have a talk with Lance, that shutting him out was needed but he would always be hers. After all, boiling water is still water at the end of the day. Lance was loved and she would prove it over and over and over. 

After the rackus Blue had caused, Keith and Shiro ran to find Lance, knowing how protective the Blue Lion was of their paladin. They found him eventually, surrounded by flowers as a pod stitched him back up to begin the healing process from opening up his chest cavity. They knew they had lost their chance with _their_ Lance, the Lance that would come out would probably not know them. They silently left Lance to heal in peace as they licked their wounds with their tails between their legs.

Pidge found out after Hunk told her, and she was stricken with grief, that she hadn’t noticed, maybe she could have helped? Maybe have even helped develop a cure! She felt lost without Lance bouncing around and asking questions. Prodding when she needed it and the levity he brought, allowing her to be a teen again. She holed herself up in her room, clutching the Lance model she had made from the space rubbish, wishing it could have been Lance himself. 

The warm fuzz that enveloped him was different from when he normally woke from the pods. Blue was there, the bond open as she poured her love into him and showed him what Blue had to do that fateful day. How Allura wasn’t her choice, how it was _Lance_ and would always be Lance. That she hated keeping him out and how much it broke her mechanical heart. She begged for forgiveness and Lance felt a bit lighter. Blue loved him and despite the small flowers that had grown in him, Lance loved her like nothing else. 

He woke to the smiles of Allura and Coran, and he hugged them close. They were warm and were family, he couldn’t wait to learn what had happened since he was in the pod. Though, the nagging feeling in the back of his head was something new. Like he needed to remember to get something but forgot the something as soon as he walked through a door. 

Hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he felt the gazes on him, he couldn’t quite tell why he was in a mode of fight or flight. But every nerve was screaming _danger!_ at him. He didn’t know why his muscles tensed or his breath hitched. He didn’t know why he felt something yet nothing to the strange faces before him. 

“Lance! You’re awake!!” the younger of them all yelled as they ran into him, squeezing him. 

“I’m sorry but who are you all?” Lance asked, and immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say

The squeezing stopped.

Eyes were cast to the floor. 

Tears were falling. 

“The galra captured you and removed your memories of us,” murmured the man with a strange orange headband. 

“Oh…” Lance whispered. His legs took him out the room, something felt wrong, like he was missing something. Something important. 

As Lance walked out Allura looked at the team aghast. 

“This is gonna backfire and I won’t be there to save you,” Allura glared at them and hurried to find her brother, her Lance, with Coran hot on her heels. 

And for a while everything was good. Lance got on well with Pidge, they indulged his questions, as few as they were. Hunk insisted on sleepovers like they had once done when they were kids. Lance didn’t remember the faceless kid he played with, nor the roommate he was sure he had left behind.

He somehow fell into the orbit of Keith and Shiro who almost doted on him. Though it felt weird and that something about it was off. He didn’t know them, he didn’t feel comfortable with their affections. As much of a flirt Lance was, when it mattered it was sincere and heartfelt. He didn’t feel anything for them.

Still the feeling of something bad was never far away. 

Then a mind melding exercise. Flashes of Lance in a pod, with flowers around him. Looks of love directed at people. Guilt. Overwhelming guilt. That they all caused Lance to almost die because they didn’t love him enough.

Lance pulled off the headset and ran to Allura, tears already streaming down his face. 

“They lied to me… I thought we were meant to be friends…” Lance sobbed, his breathing hitched and constricted. 

Allura ran her fingers through his hair, soothing him. She had even told him that he had lost his memories of them and if he wanted to talk she was there. She apologised for not explaining why, for fear of causing him hurt if he remembered having hanahaki. 

And Lance remembered his choice, that it was better to live on like this. He had Allura and Coran, Blue had been forgiven and they were stronger than ever. He could be happy. The small seedling that had grown in his lungs died away. Lance was fine again. Especially when Lotor introduced himself and when Lance saw him, it was like the universe had stopped and all that mattered was the small feeling of hope in his chest. 

Keith and Shiro looked on, their lost love finding his way in life without them. Pidge and Hunk were no longer as close as they used to be to Lance. They had all lost something when Lance chose to lose his memories of them. They all blanched when they saw petals on the pillows the next morning...


End file.
